Left Handed Attitude

Every time I try to write, shampoo my hair, brush my teeth or eat, I need to do an attitude check.

I am right handed. Ironically, the PD affects only my right side...so far. I know the left is waiting for its debut in the PD pantomime. Over the 3+ years since my diagnosis (and second opinion..."yup, positively Parkinson's"), I have progressively lost the dexterity and agility of my right hand. It's not useless. It just refuses to fluidly form the letters on the page. At best I print in wobbly letters because writing is impossible and even my signature is different each time (the bank calls regularly).

In the shower my right hand stays stubbornly in one place atop my head as my left hand is forced to do all the work rubbing the shampoo into my hair. This results in an odd sensation as I stand there with one hand foolishly poised to act but remaining motionless.

Right-handed teeth brushing works only if I get the tempo right, and then keep it that way (although I expect that when I see the dental hygienist she may not give me any prize for efficiency).

And eating is almost entirely a left-handed affair, lest I sprinkle soup, salad or spaghetti sauce all over me, the table and anyone who sits too close...although meals would take longer and this might assist my diet by limiting intake.

Even typing this entry is mostly a left-handed endeavour (with the right hand joining in on occasion with a halting stab at the supposedly correct key). Usually I use voice-recognition software (Dragon Naturally Speaking) to ease the frustration of what I need to do daily at work.

This brings me to 'attitude'. My initial response to this forced, late in life learning to be a southpaw is utter frustration (euphemism for anger). Inside I am saying, "I hate this! I used to be able to do this without thinking. Now I am a klutz." But slowly (sometimes at the tortoise speed of westbound traffic on the Port Mann Bridge at 7 AM), I remember that I am still able to function independently. If I can't get a grip (so to speak) on the small stuff now, I will end up an angry old man lashing out at those that are around to help me. That is not me, or at least it has never been me. And it is certainly not who I want to become.

Although I disagree with some of her New Age conclusions, Byron Katie's book, "Loving What Is" has some very good points to think about. She says, "It's not the problem that causes our suffering; it's our thinking about the problem." In other words, it is not my PD, it is the way I think about it that is the cause of my frustration. Maybe this sounds a little twisted, but if that is not true, how can I avoid getting increasingly angry as my right hand becomes increasingly inept?

So today, and every day, as I relegate tasks to my now stronger more capable left hand, I remember to be thankful. I have two hands. If one does not work perfectly, at least I can tie shoelaces, drive my motorcycle, pick up my grandson, shake hands firmly, and hold my wife's hand as we walk. Tomorrow will bring what it may. Life, just as it is a God-given gift with daily dividends, also takes away something every day. We cannot be happy if we resent the latter, for it is a, dare I say, necessary part of living.

For me, learning a left handed attitude is a key to being positively Parkinson's.